|
It's Mother's Day
and it's time to celebrate the woman who gave you life.
Or you're a mom and it's the day you bask in the love
of your children. You should be happy, right? Not necessarily.
For those whose mothers have passed away or for moms
who have lost a child, Mother's Day can be a time of
sadness and grief. However, there is hope. Read how
one mother whose daughter died on Mother's Day moved
from mourning to peace.
I interviewed my mom,
Eunice Smith of Jackson, MS, to discover how she handled the
death of my sister and her daughter so well. I saw my mother
go through the grieving process with grace and a strength
that could only come from God. Here's what she had to say...
What was it like to
lose your child on Mother's Day? My initial reaction was
shock. I was the first to find her; she was in her bedroom
when I got home from church on Mother's Day (about 11 years
ago). She was just lying there as if taking a nap, but she
had an aneurism in her brain while we were at church and died.
She was living with us because she was recovering from a mental
breakdown that I believe was caused by the extreme stress
and discrimination she experienced while in medical school
a couple of years earlier. After a period of hospitalization
and treatment, she seemed to be getting better. My daughter,
Lynda, was only 36 years old and it was very unexpected. I
never had a chance to break down and cry in those first few
hours (although I wanted to) because family and friends came
to the house immediately and stayed... and stayed...and stayed
until late in the evening. The next days were filled with
making arrangements and that also distracted me from grieving
initially.
How did you cope with
grief after the funeral?
I began to pray and ask God for strength to deal with her
death very early on. A couple of friends recommended that
I take a valium or sleeping pills to help cope with the funeral
and the insomnia that sometimes follows the loss of a loved
one. But, I was very wary of taking anything just because
of the addictive nature of those medications. I felt more
comfortable with trusting God to get me through. In the days,
weeks and months following the funeral I would find myself
crying at various times (often unexpectedly) like when I was
driving or walking through the house or when the time came
to sort through her things. It was comforting to share some
of her belongings with family and friends. I gave away some
of her favorite things, such as a hat or jacket, et cetera
to the people who loved her.
Does it get better
with time? Yes. At first it was very difficult because
we didn't even know how she died. We had an autopsy performed
later, which concluded that her death was the result of an
aneurism. Although I still have some unanswered questions
for God like, "Why did this happen to her?' and "Why
didn't you heal her so she could live a long life?" I
was never angry at God. My anger was always more directed
at the people who I believed caused her initial mental breakdown.
I still struggle with forgiving them, although I know that
the Word of God says we must forgive. I remember the first
Mother's Day after her death was especially hard. I didn't
go to church that Sunday because I didn't think I could sit
through the service and watch all the other mothers with their
children without falling apart. But, now I rarely experience
sadness when I think of her,
I remember her at her
peak. Lynda was bubbly, smart, energetic and beautiful. She
was always popular and kind. She had a very gentle nature.
I have many pictures of her around the house to help us remember
her and I am always willing to talk about her. When anyone
asks about my children, I still say that I have four daughters
(not just the three living) and I name them all. Now I celebrate
her life usually twice a year by visiting her gravesite--once
on her birthday and again on Mother's Day. I know she had
a relationship with Jesus Christ and I know she is with him
in heaven and that makes me happy for her--knowing that she
is fully restored and whole now.
Your own mother also
passed away recently, how does her death affect you on Mother's
Day? Although I miss my mother, I feel no sadness surrounding
her death. It was very different from that of my daughter.
For one thing, Drusie Bell Trass lived a long, productive
life--my mother lived to be 97 years old. Plus, I was able
to spend a lot of time with her before she died. She lived
much longer than her husband and many of her friends; she
even outlived some of her children. I knew from conversations
with her that she was ready to go to heaven.
What's the most important
thing your mother taught you? My mother was very big on
keeping promises. That is the one principle that stands out
very clearly in my mind when I think of her. She always told
us to do whatever we promised that we would do--especially
when that promise is made to a child. She was adamant about
honoring her word. She also stressed the value of helping
others. My mother would have us children to play this game
called "Stick to the Union" and she made up a little
song to go along with it. When we would do our chores, the
game was to go help someone else as soon as you were finished
with yours. The principle we learned from the game was that
as long as someone else has work to do, we have work to do--everyone
should work together until everything is finished.
|
Free
E-zine Sign Up
