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Loving
even when you don't "feel" love.
If
you've been on the planet for any amount of time you
have no doubt run into a person that you don't like
very much. You know the story. They do things differently
than you do. They're messy and you're a neat freak.
They take their sweet time to do the simplest task and
you want everything done yesterday. They think differently
than you and maybe they even have a totally different
set of values. To make things worse, you're in a situation
where you must get along with them. Unbreakable ties
such as family, the job, church, the neighborhood, et cetera. unite you both into a long-term relationship.
It's
become obvious that they aren't going anywhere and they
aren't going to change, in spite of your best efforts
to mold them. They are driving you crazy and making
your life miserable. So now what do you do?
The Bible commands
us to love one another.
"Let
me give you a new command: Love one another. In the same
way I loved you, you love one another. This is how everyone
will recognize that you are my disciples--when they see
the love you have for each other." (John 13:33-35,
The Message)
The first key to developing
a loving attitude is to realize that loving each other is
not an option--it's a command. Okay, I will be the first one
to admit, this can be extremely difficult, especially when
you find out what real love is . . .
"Love
is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or
proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is
not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been
wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever
the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith,
is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance."
(1 Corinthians 4:4-7, New Living Translation)
When Jesus gave us the
command for us to love each other in the same way that He
loved us, this is what He meant. We don't have the right to
think we are better than other people. Love is not boastful.
We don't have the right to be jealous of other people's accomplishments
or their natural gifts and abilities. Love is not jealous.
We don't have the right to stay angry when someone else has
done us wrong. Love keeps no record offenses.
And this is
the toughest one; we don't have the right to write people
off as a loss when they behave badly. Love never gives up
and never loses faith, but endures until the end. Whew, what
a list! How in the world can we love people like this when
nothing about them inspires us to love them?
Accept people for
who they are.
If you can do this, half
the battle is won. One of the reasons we don't love other
people is because we want them to be something they are not. If you have a child who is loud and aggressive, but you want
her to be quiet and obedient, you will always be disappointed
by her behavior because your expectations are unrealistic.
It's easier for you to change your expectations of her than
for her to change the personality and temperament God gave
her. Realize that the person God created her to be is not
necessarily bad, just different.
A word of caution is
needed here; you can accept the person without accepting behavior
that is wrong. For example, Timmy may be a naturally boisterous
child, but that still doesn't give him a license to tear up
your house. Timmy should be punished for that particular act
of disobedience. Maybe he has privileges taken away from him
for a time or he gets a spanking, etc. Then, after the punishment
has been executed, you still love Timmy and treat him as though
he won't do it again. Don't think, "Timmy is such as
bad child. He is so disobedient and always tears up everything."
Instead say, "Timmy is going to be a good, responsible
person when he grows up." Remember, love always hopes.
Meet people where
they are.
Imagine that Mary and
her brother Johnnie are going on a hike through the woods
because their car broke down in bad weather and they must
get to shelter. Johnnie is an experienced hiker in excellent
condition. He has the strength needed for strenuous climbs,
plus he knows how to pace himself for endurance. Mary on the
other hand has never been hiking and has never liked physical
activity. She is naturally unprepared for the trek but must
go if she wants to be sheltered from the coming storm.
So, the two set off.
Mary moves at a snail's pace, falls several times during the
hike, and causes Johnnie to backtrack often in order to help
her. To top it off, Mary constantly complains the entire time
and eventually sprains her ankle in the process. Now, Johnnie
not only has to listen to Mary's negative attitude, but he
must carry her for the duration of the trip. He thinks to
himself, "I should just leave her here she is so much
trouble." Needless to say, he doesn't. They finally find
a cabin to bunk in until the storm passes. As they settle
in for the night Johnnie keeps waiting for Mary to express
some gratitude at his efforts. But, words of thanks never
come; Mary goes to sleep without expressing any appreciation.
Johnnie has a choice.
He can be offended and decide to never go anywhere with Mary
again or he can decide to meet his sister where she is.
Johnnie can meet Mary
where she is by accepting the fact that she is currently in
a weakened and immature state. Mary's weakness (not being
a physically strong person) prevented her from taking care
of herself on the journey. Her immaturity caused her to complain
when she should have been grateful. Even though anyone can
understand Johnnie's resentment, everyone would have blamed
him if he had left his sister in the woods in her weakened
condition. Why? Because Johnnie was the stronger of the two,
he had an obligation to help Mary in spite of her bad attitude
and physical limitations. The bible tells us . . .
"Those
of us who are strong and able in the faith need to step
in and lend a hand to those who falter, and not just do
what is most convenient for us. Strength is for service,
not status. Each one of us needs to look after the good
of the people around us, asking ourselves, "How can
I help?" That's exactly what Jesus did. He didn't
make it easy for himself by avoiding people's troubles,
but waded right in and helped out. "I took on the troubles
of the troubled," is the way Scripture puts it."
(Romans 15:1-3, The Message)
This doesn't seem fair.
Why should we be inconvenienced because of someone else's
problems? Because that's what Jesus did for us. His unconditional
love for us gives us the opportunity and strength we need
everyday to become a better person. God's love for us is what
transforms us.
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